I can't believe that Ai has completely destroyed my confidence. I haven't drawn since I left a few months ago, so I gave it a try today to get ready for going to LSC. *Tried* being the operative word. Nothing I did looked right. AT ALL. I spent a good half hour on legs alone. When I gave up on that and tried another one, this time a closeup, the hands looked horrible. I kept hearing a voice in my head going "That's not in proportion" "there's no depth" "the fingers are uneven and irregular". I was up all night trying to draw a single picture. Then the voices changed to "that sucks" "you never had any talent" etc, etc. I broke down crying and had to take two Ativan to calm down. Stupid voices. Fucking Len. That asshole told me my project for a drawing class my first quarter was repetitive and showed that I would not make it in the business at this point. Fucker. Like his project was sooo original. He only adopted the "modern art" look because he can't draw for shit...but I suppose that's neither here nor there. I was happy when Chris agreed with me about Len.

Okay, artists be honest, do I have any talent whatsoever? I'll send parts of my portfolio if anyone cares to critique. It can even be negative as long as you help me improve. Nothing is more useless than someone looking at a picture, saying it sucks, then walking away. Even when I was in the Chicago museum I took the time to critique EVERYTHING!

Anyway, someone PLEASE save my sanity!